I’m not gonna lie. I kinda don’t like parenting sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a momma. But I HATE parenting. Especially now that it’s just me for the most part. The constant struggle of deciding between right and wrong. Or “yes, you can do that” or “no, you can’t do that”. Being given death stares and knowing that at some point in his life, Jack is probably going to have a voodoo doll dressed just like me, with a needle in it’s eye.
Today was a crappy day in the mom life.
Jack’s been going through a rough time. I mean, obviously, he’s newly 3 and his world crashed when his parents split up. He went from having both of us all the time, to having JUST me and seeing his dad every so often. I’d be worried if he didn’t lash out every once in a while. It’s normal. But lately, I’ve been a bit scared. And today…
I saw the devil come out in my child.
After worship at church I picked up my little man from his Sunday school class. They were playing basketball in the gym. He was so happy and wanted me to watch him play. But because it was time to leave, one of his teachers asked him to help put the balls away.
LORD HAVE MERCY THE TEARS.
After that, there was no more Mr. Nice Jackson. Anyone, including me, who tried to talk to him, Jack would scream at for even looking in his direction. When we got to the car, boy did I wear that ass out. We went to Panera Bread, one of our Sunday usuals, for lunch. I knew he was gonna be a pain, so I got us a booth in the back where it was more quiet and had less people.
He put up a fight at the counter. He wanted a donut or a cookie, but obviously I said no because he needed lunch first. After about 5 minutes of holding up the line we finally came to a compromise. He would get his choice of treat after he ate a bowl of mac n cheese and a side of yogurt.
Did he eat his mac n cheese and yogurt? Nope. Did he get a treat? Nope. Did he throw a fit at the booth and fall face first on the floor after I told him to sit down? Yup.
After another ridiculous fit in the car, momma finally had enough of the crap. I didn’t know what came over my child this morning, and at that point in time, I didn’t care. We had a little come to Jesus meeting on the drive home. A second spanking followed once we parked at the house when he told me, “I don’t care”. Once again, I was right back at the beginning. I sat down and told him how it was. I had enough and he was no longer allowed to act the way he was. Twenty minutes later we walk into the house, he gets a bath, and goes straight to bed for a nap. An hour and a half later, maybe a little longer, he comes out of his room and says, “I’m ready to be a good listener.”
Since then? No fits, no crying, no tears, no screaming. I know it won’t last forever though. No matter how good of a kid he is, he’s going to have his bad days. And today was one of those very very bad days. As much as I hated being hard on him, spanking him, and making him cry… The outcome was that I earned a bit of respect today. The fact that he came from his nap ready to be a good listener made me feel like he really heard what I had said and took it to heart. Enough that it stuck with him for a bit and completely turned his day around. I got some cuddles, kisses, and a great big “I love you”.
Parenting does suck sometimes, but being a momma is so worth it.