Lifestyle · Relationships

Good Enough

It’s here, y’all. 

Today is Valentine’s Day. The day of love. Cupid’s holiday. The most annoying day of the year, in my opinion. 

Candles, cards, roses, and chocolate are sold out in every store. Reservations are made at Olive Garden and Longhorn. Nearly every high school/college aged girl gets a ginormous stuffed bear that they can barely fit into their room. Guys finally wear that heavy cologne their girlfriends/wives got them for Christmas and girls post pictures with a novel attached about how lucky they are to have their amazing guy. Fun stuff, yeah?

Not for everyone. For some, it’s just another day. No special gifts or flowers. No reminders about how wonderful and special they are. Just another shift at work, dinner at 7, and Netflix in bed….alone. 

I’m with you, babe. 

I woke up at 6 this morning to my alarm, hit snooze, and rolled over until 6:30. It took about four or five snoozes before I realized I had to shower, get myself ready, and get Jack ready all in 45 minutes. Oops? I scrunched my hair up and realized it look like shit, so I wound up putting it into a messy bun. (And not the cute kind of messy bun either.) Makeup wasn’t even an option due to my lack of time, so the dark circles under my eyes were a real thing today. 

When I pulled into the parking lot across from my work building I had a few extra minutes, so I scrolled through Instagram real quick. The first five pictures were nothing but couples kissing and professing their love to one another. Gag. I had totally forgotten today was Valentine’s Day. 

I’m okay with not being in a relationship. I’ve slowly, but steadily made it through my divorce and I know it’s made me a better person. A stronger person. I don’t need to be with anyone. I’ve got Jack, my sidekick. What else could I possibly need?

“It would just be nice if…” 

Hey, don’t judge. We have ALL been there. We all crave a little companionship. Especially on days when everyone else is getting love and attention. Who doesn’t want to be spoiled every once in a while?? We’re only human, you know. 

Trust me when I say that I know what it’s like to yearn for something more. I’ve felt the deep ache inside my stomach of pure loneliness. And I’ve cried myself to sleep more times than I can count thinking that I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never be worthy of love. I’ll never be able to make anyone happy. And I’ve been wide awake with the constant fear of dying alone. 

I know what it’s like. I do. So, let me tell you what I try to tell myself every single day. 

You are enough. You are wonderfully and fearfully made by an awesome Creator. You have a purpose, whether you know what it is or not. You are beautiful. You are worthy. And one day, you’ll have that amazing, tear-jerking love everyone craves. 

If you’re like me, you watch proposals and wedding videos on YouTube at least once a week. You tear up and wonder if you’ll ever find the “one”. I don’t necessarily believe in the “one”. I believe we choose who we love, and we choose them for the rest of our lives…or we don’t. I haven’t met the one I want to choose yet. At least, I don’t think I have. God has been known to surprise me, so, who knows. 

I understand that you are hurting. Being in love is an unexplainable feeling. To not have it, but to watch others experience it, is painful. You’ll find it. You’ll lose it. You’ll find it again. I swear, it will happen. Patience, my dear. 

It might be someone you met on the street. Or it could be a lifelong friend that you never expected to fall in love with. Or maybe an ex that you thought was long gone. Or hey, maybe you’ll meet on Tinder. There’s no picture perfect meeting. It just happens. Usually when you’re least expecting it. Don’t push it. Don’t force it. Don’t try to rush something new into something serious. Take your time and enjoy your life. Loving yourself is just as important as having someone else love you.

I want a forever with someone, too. And being patient isn’t easy. But it’s all in God’s timing. I know that there will be days where I’ll feel useless and unloved, but there will also be days where I feel strong, beautiful, and unstoppable.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single. And that’s okay. Because today is also Taco Tuesday. Coincidence? I think not.

Go eat a taco, y’all. 

T.

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